Descent Into a Sad Situation

We missed seeing our neighbor's husband by a month over a decade ago. Two months after our offer was accepted and a month before closing, he passed away. She was a nice older lady though kept mostly to herself. Some might call her aloof but to me, she was just guarded due to her economic status. They had owned a three state franchise of a popular restaurant chain but to us, she was just a neighbor. We did neighborly things over the years, chatting across the border of our yard, dropping off some bounty from our garden and consuming her chocolate chip cookies. I've searched for an escaped cat of hers and she has called and asked for advice from time to time.

But as time went by, contact became less and her only daughter moved in with her. At first for only short periods of time but eventually permanently. The daughter was a different sort of person. She wasn't as guarded and so we learned through her that her mom was beginning to suffer from dementia. The daughter had her own set of issues in life and physically with heart problems. But we still did a few neighborly activities and time continued to pass us by.

Last night, while eating dinner we heard a far off siren approaching but the siren cut off and we didn't think twice about it. Only when I was washing the dishes did I notice the flashing light out in front of our neighbor's house. Closer inspection revealed it was that of a fire truck but there were also a police car and an ambulance. We debated for twenty minutes on the right thing to do but finally my wife walked over and introduced herself to the police officer on the scene.

Our neighbor's daughter had died sometime last night. Near as we can figure out, an acquaintance of hers had called from her home a state away but could only get our neighbor suffering from dementia who kept saying that her daughter wasn't moving. 911 was called and the present scene developed. So there was my wife, now in the middle, with our neighbor being repeatedly told that her daughter was deceased but not understanding it despite her daughter's body right there for her and everyone else to see. 

Fortunately, a concerned person had contacted us several weeks earlier. He had worked for our neighbor's business years ago and remained in contact with our neighbor over the years as sort of a handyman caretaker. I won't go into details but he had been concerned about our neighbor's welfare for some time and had called us to seek advise. He wasn't a spring chicken himself and so we had done the neighborly thing. We gave him the best advice we could and told him to call us if he ever needed help in the situation. 

The police and medical personnel on scene last night were in a pickle when my wife walked up. They weren't sure what to do with someone with severe dementia late at night. But thanks to that phone call a few weeks earlier, and my wife's training, she was actually able to help. She sat down with our neighbor to help try, most likely unsuccessfully, to let her know what was happening and told the medical personnel to call the handyman caretaker whose name and phone number they found written somewhere handy. He came right over as the medical examiner finished up and the funeral home staff were starting to do their thing. He said he would spend the night with our neighbor until something was sorted out in the morning.

Morning isn't yet here as I write this. I woke up thinking about this sad situation and can't turn my mind off again. Our neighbor was an only child, her now deceased daughter was an only child and there aren't any immediate relatives. Our neighbor isn't capable of remaining at home anymore but I don't know what the mechanisms are for a situation like hers. I'm not sure the medical and police staff last night knew either and if the handyman/caretaker hadn't been stayed the night, I'm not sure what would have happened. I'm not sure what will happen here with dawn. It is a sad situation. 

Fortunately due to their economic status, they had good lawyers and the handyman knows who they are so I'm guessing it will start with them. Hopefully they had papers drawn up detailing what will happen next though I'm guessing they might not fully account for the situation at hand. But one thing is for certain, we will be neighborless starting tomorrow. 

Update: In the weeks that have followed since initially writing this post, two trained workers for this sort of situation have been hired and split there time at our neighbor's house looking after her. Their vehicles now pass by like clockwork and spend their time in front of our neighbor's house. The handyman has excused himself out of this situation since it is really out of his control at this point. Our neighbor's daughter is buried in the family plot next to her father after a simple service attended by a few of us neighbors and a number of former employees. All seems to be going alright though I still miss the thought of our neighborly over the property line chats and the occasional plate of warm chocolate chip cookies. I thought about deleting this post as it really serves no purpose but have decided to keep it as a reminder that we all need to be diligent about end of life planning as one never knows how, or in what order, that end will come.