Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Hearing an Assault From 150 Miles Away

So I'm talking on my land line phone when my cellphone rings. It was my wife so I just muted it since I was almost done with the land line conversation and I could call her right back. Thirty second later as I hung up the land line I did just that.

When the line was connected, I heard lots of screaming, sobbing, gasping and what sounded like a full on fight going on in the background. The hairs on my neck immediately stood up and I kept shouting my wife's name into the phone with no response from her. After what seemed like forever but was probably 30 seconds or so, the banging subsided and I could here my wife gasping for air from what seemed like across the room. That went on for about ten seconds or so and then stopped. I could hear nothing. I was still calling my wife's name on the phone when the land line phone rang again. So with the cellphone to one ear, I picked up the land line phone and put it to the other ear.

I had thought that maybe it was my wife calling the land line but it turned out to be someone else wanting some information from me. Just then my wife's cell phone hung up. So here I am trying to answer a question from an home insurance agent while thinking my wife has just been assaulted and was lying dead on her apartment floor. I pulled up an app that lets you track the location of a phone if you know their password and started punching in my wife's phone number and password to get a location of her body before calling the police. Meanwhile I satisfactorily answered the insurance agents questions and hung up on him. I was holding my phone and mentally wishing for it to speed up in the tracking process.

My cellphone rang again with my wife's name on the ID.

I answered again and there was more gasping and sobbing but it was reducing in intensity. I switched to Facetime which is another app that allows you to video conference with someone else who has the same phone and my wife's face appeared on the screen. Only she wasn't looking at the screen. She was instead spinning around looking this way and that obviously agitated. I thought she was looking for her attacker.

Finally I got her to explain what was the problem. There had been a cat in her apartment.

Evidently she had got home from work and found a cat on her sofa asleep. My wife is scared of cats and to find one asleep in your locked apartment is obviously a bit disconcerting to the average Joe and to my wife down right terrifying. The fight had been her attempt to chase it out of her apartment while it growled and hissed at her.

One of her neighbors has cats and I've heard them many times when I've been up there put the cat out in the hallway for hours on end leaving the cat to meow and scratch at his door. I'm assuming he doesn't have a litter box and that was his version of taking the cat for a potty break. It only started a couple months ago so I have ignored it since our days of renting that apartment are rapidly dwindling. After calming down when I learned that my wife wasn't being assaulted, I rationalized that the cat had been in the hall and snuck into the apartment as my wife was leaving for work. I told her to call the landlord and explain the whole thing. The landlord came over and of course the guy denied that the cat wasn't his and so the cat got thrown outside. I'm not sure if I buy the guy's story since he has several cats and I have only seen that cat scratching at his door but whatever. If I see that cat in the hallway again, it is going across town for a ride in my car.

So that's the story. It was the second day in a row I had heard my wife on the phone and thought she was being assaulted. Yes I did say second day in a row. But that is a story for a later date.


R. Sherman said...

Good grief. I can't imagine how freaked out I'd have been listening on the phone to that and not knowing what was going on. I'm glad things are OK.


Vince said...

Hell man, that just wasn't fair.
I'll tell you one thing though, you've developed into a not half bad little writer. But still, if I wanted that level of stomach watering fear I have married and bred myself. Next time mitigated it. :-)

geri said...

That was a scary story. And all the help you get from a sophisticated gadget too. I am so glad your wife is safe and it was only a cat! And oh, if I was in your place, I probably wouldn't have talked to the agent at all - I will be too freaked out!

PhilippinesPhil said...

hah. Living in the Phils I would call that sort of thing another typical case of "drama drama."

warren said...

That's not really funny but it is hilarious! I can't imagine the pit in your stomach until you found out what happened!

malor said...

I was scared at first then I cannot help but laugh. Your wife is hilarious!

Bone said...

Wow. I bet you were freaking out until you figured out what was going on. I was first thinking she was pocket-dialing you while jogging or something. I pocket-dialed someone while golfing once. Apparently, there was cursing involved.

Murf said...

Oh brother.