I swear the first stages of senility are upon me because when this happened my first thought was oh god, I hope nobody saw up, my second thought was I hope the waitress doesn't come back anytime soon and my third thought was that this would make a good blog post. I guess that gives you an idea of how ingrained blogging is in life these days.
As we are want to do from time to time, we decided to dine at a new restaurant when up in the urban jungle to perhaps broaden our eating horizons. We popped into the new restaurant for lunch only to be told it was just serving breakfast buffet which didn't interest me so we left and came back later for an early supper. The food was good but nondescript enough that I can't even remember what I had. What I do know was that our daughter ate her food like she had been starved for a week and food was going out of style. She gets like that during growth spurts so I have learned not to be surprised.
However, after she was done, she started complaining that her throat hurt. At first we were worried that she had something caught in her throat or perhaps an allergic reaction. As we were diagnosing the situation, our daughter gave a hoarse cough from deep in her throat that sounded very similiar to dry heaves. She did a second and then a third. Since she was sitting next to my wife, I made the suggestion that they perhaps should go towards the restrooms but my wife said she didn't think she would vomit. No sooner than she had said that than our daughters supper came hurtling out of her mouth.
Now I think all superheroes are merely parents because nothing seems to enhance a parent's abilities like becoming a parent. In this case, faster than Flash Gordon, my wife grasped a cloth napkin and caught the contents of my daughter's stomach in mid-air. She dropped the cloth napkins and contents on the table and hustled my daughter into the bathroom to finish what nature began and I deftly threw my cloth napkin over the other to hide the contents. Unfortunately when my wife got her super fast speed all I got was a super sensitive gag reflex. I gagged silently not once but twice before I focused hard on the taste of my glass of water and took a swig. I was very close to losing my supper but got it under control and since I was facing the wall with everyone at my back, I just may have pulled it off.
What I wasn't sure is if anyone saw my daughter upchuck her supper into my wife's napkin covered hands since they were facing the interior of the restaurant. I didn't want to turn around to see thinking that would only draw attention so instead, I sat there staring at the wall above the cloth napkin filled with recycled food and thinking of anything but the situation at hand. I was also praying that the waitress wouldn't come to clear off the table while I was waiting and thus expose everything to the world. Not being a cruel person and since I had already paid and signed for the bill, I scribbled it out and doubled my tip for reasons our waitress would soon fine out, wrote sorry on it and then focused back on the wall until my daughter and wife made it back to the table.
Our conversation went almost exactly like:
Wife: Did you pay?
Wife: Lets get out of here fast.
We walked out of the restaurant as fast as we could without attracting attention and made it back to the safety of our car out of sight from the restaurant. As we would later learn, our daughter had just ate too much and her stomach had sought to correct the problem. With an empty stomach, she was ready to play in the park beside our car while I eyed the blue omen in the store window that I wrote about in the last post. So although I might have given that restaurant another chance before writing them off completely, circumstances beyond my control have forced me to write them off completely after only one try. I don't think I could step in there again without some irrational fear that I might be recognized as the father of the puking girl. I'm just glad that my daughter didn't puke at one of my favorite restaurants.