Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A 'Do' to End All 'Dos'


Although this incident took place in a church, it could and has happened before where people are seated one in front of the other. This guy walked in and sat right in front of us giving me a full hour to meditate on God and his hair. Most Sundays God easily wins out but this Sunday even he had stiff competition.

Let me see if I can do this justice with my description. This guy parted his hair just above one ear and then looped the hair over and back creating this gigantic swirl to cover a very obviously bald head with more than 50% of all hair now gone. So he ended up with hair that swirled around in a circle and only accentuated the three inch circle of bare scalp that shone like a beacon to those behind him.

All I could think of was WHY? Did he actually believe he was fooling someone by this horrendous comb over? Did he think that it was more attractive to have a horrendous hairdo than to just show his bald spot? If I hadn't been in church and praying for my soul, I might have prayed for a pocket sized air compressor to give him a squirt. I imagine that just one squirt to flop his hair back over would give the same look as having just scalped him only without any blood.

I am reminded of a former co-worker named Wally who had short hair on the sides and a comb over of a mostly bald head. Once I had the misfortune to see him walking across the parking lot on a windy day with the wind direction in the opposite direction of the comb over. What he ended up with was short hair along the sides, a bald top and a foot of fair standing nearly straight up where most people normally would put their part. It was the longest walk of my life with Wally trying so hard to keep from busting my gut with laughter.

So as I started looking around, I counted that nearly fifty percent of the men retirement age or perhaps slightly younger had obvious comb overs. I'm guessing that decreasing vision as one ages allows these people to engage in these fantasies that they still have hair. But they certainly aren't fooling anyone but themselves.

13 comments:

Vince said...

Cruel, oh too cruel. It is truely hard to hold in giggles.
Last year I noticed that my blonde locks were getting thinner in the middle. We have a German discount store, Lidl, in town. There I bought a hair clippers. And now I would give a US Marine a run for his money in the short hair Stakes.

Ed said...

Vince - I should fess up that I too have a receding hairline so that allows me to poke fun of people like me who try to fool themselves. I just cut my hair short and enjoy the lack of attention I have to give to my hair in the mornings. I never have a bad hair day.

Woody said...

What strikes me as hilarious as much as his hair is that you actually got the picture...too funny

sage said...

Wow, wonder how long it would take for my hair to get long enough to do a wrap around? I think I'll stick to wearing hats and I no longer feel I have to take my hat off inside buildings.

Ed said...

Woody - I have to appologize that I wasn't specific but that the picture above is one from some movie which I haven't seen pilfered from the internet. I never took the picture of the guy mentioned in the post.

Sage - I gave up on wearing hats long ago. I just admit that my hair is thinning and go on with life. Perhaps if I weren't married and still dating I would be wearing hats.

R. Sherman said...

Yikes!

I swore a zillion years ago, that when my head necessitated a comb-over, it was time to go with the completely shaved look. I put comb-overs in the same category as toupees and elevator shoes.

Cheers.

malor said...

So funny! This made my belly hurts.

TC said...

All men should just say no to the comb over.

I speak for women everywhere when I say that we prefer bald to combovers.

Ed said...

R. Sherman - Agreed!

Malor - You shouldn't laugh so soon after giving birth. My apologies.

TC - Where were women like you when I was dating and just starting to become follically challenged?

Bone said...

I know a guy who does the comb-over. Why, why, WHY? That is the question. He even went out with a girl for a little while who tried to get him to shave his head, and still wouldn't.

I'm not sure if it's appropriate literature to pass out at church, but I did a post on this a few years ago: http://littlenibbler.blogspot.com/2006/08/horseshoe-effect.html

Ed said...

Bone - That post is certainly a classic. Thanks for the link! To me, the married guy, I think I would go with the horseshoe versus the cueball look simply because there is less work involved in maintaining it. If I were dating or wanting a date, that would be a different story. However, no matter what would I live with the "island" look, married or single.

Eutychus2 said...

Ed...
too many years ago to count, I discarded the comb and went bald, like you said no bad hair days, and you save money on shampoo! I even have a partial in my mouth, but I haven't taken to clicking it yet!

Beau said...

Why? So he could get people like you to write about him! Zowee...