Thursday, January 28, 2010
Desert Rat: Reporting From Hawaii
I'm a desert rat and thus like the heat but Arizona was forecasted to have a snowstorm of epic proportions so I headed west to Hawaii for some rest and relaxation. Instead, I found out that amidst the worst economic crisis in decades, the Republicans have invaded the island (on human taxpayer dime) for their annual winter meeting. Looks like there will be no rest for the weary.
First and foremost on their agenda the Republican party wants to do a little cleansing within their ranks to rid themselves of those pesky moderate Republicans by denying them funding unless they subscribe to eight of ten key conservative issues in the so called purity resolution. I think we should support them just so we can see how quickly a political party can self-destruct. The Republicans decided to hedge their bets by introducing another resolution called the accountability resolution which does the same thing except puts the power solely within the discretion of the party chairman. If I had to choose between the two, I would want this latter one in hopes that moderate republicans would someday be more than half of the party and thus have the possibility of a moderate Republican chairman denying funds to those Republicans who are neoconservatives. Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants?
The second order of business was to come up with a wittier phrase than "You lie" to use during the State of the Union address. Evidently a new poll showed all politicians lie so the fact that a president might lie is no surprise to anyone, much less the liar shouting, "you lie." Word has it that Joe Wilson from South Carolina will be shouting, "You spend." I'm not sure that is much of a surprise either.
Obama announced a pay freeze on all non-security discretionary spending which is currently only 1/8th of our annual budget and what likely voters have deemed a, "drop in the bucket." To reassure us that isn't the case, Obama has pledged to increase spending for education, high speed rails and hand out tax credits all around.
Massachusetts’s voters finally proved that doing nothing towards campaigning will not win an election. Republican Scott Brown handedly won the election after the gas peddle of his Toyota Tundra became stuck forcing him to rapidly circumnavigate the entire state right before election day. The stuck gas peddle will create at least 15 more jobs at Toyota which garnered him a few more votes than one might expect. Liberal auto giant manufacturer Toyota has now vowed to shut down its plants until after the 2010 election season is over.
Finally upstanding citizen James O'Keefe who showed us what goes on in the upstanding organization known as ACORN/Squirrel Nut, turned out to be not so upstanding. Evidently he was caught trying to illegally wiretap phones. Let me see if I have this straight. A sleezeball who got the goods on a sleezeball turns out to be a sleezeball. Who'd of thunk it?