Monday, August 4, 2008

A Black Cowboy Rides Into Subway On His Mercedes

**Warning: This post contains cursing**

I was in a Subway killing time with Little Abbey while Mrs. Abbey got her hair done next door and five minutes into our wait, a black Mercedes creeps into the parking lot out front. It wouldn't have caught my attention except for the fact that it was moving so slow and the driver took a half dozen attempts to get it backed into the parking space next to our minivan. After the driver got the Mercedes parked and situated, he sat our there in the hot sun for the next five minutes before finally getting out. The man turned out to be an old short black man with a closely cropped white beard, white Stetson perched atop his head, an enormous pot belly that strained the buttons of his white button up western style shirt and cowboy boots. He waddled over to the passenger window and proceeded to have a lengthy discussion with someone sitting there. I think it centered on money as they passed one of those bank envelopes that you get when you cash a check back and forth counting the contents.

Eventually he took the bank envelope with its contents and waddled across the parking lot and stepped into Subway. His boots sounds like they had steel soles and he clicked across the tile and over to the cash register where he hooked his thumbs in his pockets and waited behind someone who was paying for their sandwich. Five other people were stretched out along the counter and the sign that said "Please Order Here" in various stages of getting their sandwiches made up. I thought that this was going to be interesting and I wasn't disappointed.

When he stepped up to the cash register and started to order, the clerk politely pointed out the "Please Order Here" sign and the five people who the old black cowboy had just cut off in line. The man clicked down the line and I thought proceeded to order. However, my attention was again directed towards him when I heard a commotion in the back and looked towards him again.

He started yelling out loud in a southern drawl, "I've been all OVER the world and yet I get back to America and you all can't read or write. You're just a bunch of IGNORANT bastards." He started clicking towards the door at a much faster pace when he stopped and looked back at the clerk running the cash register and said, "Fuck YOU." Then he looked up and saw all half dozen or so other patrons of the Subway looking back at him and he waggled a finger in our direction and said, "Fuck YOU ALL," as he clicked on out of the restaurant.

We all snickered a little a wondered what it was all about but I couldn't take my eyes off the old black cowboy. He clicked across the parking lot and proceeded to have a very animated discussion with the passenger pointing back at the Subway and waving his arms in the air. He finally got in the driver's side and proceeded to creep out of the parking lot. All was good for ten minutes or so until the Maharishi men across the aisle from me made a comment that he was back. Sure enough I looked up to see a black Mercedes creeping through the parking lot. The two Maharishi men immediately got up and exited Subway while making comments that he might have a gun and shoot the place up. My mind certainly headed that direction and I looked towards the back to make sure I knew where the exit was. However the black Mercedes just kept on creeping and left that parking lot once again.

Minutes after the black cowboy rode off into the sunset in his Mercedes the second time, my wife came back and we left. But I can't help but be amused that the black cowboy had been all over the world but evidently had been a virgin when it came to ordering at Subway.

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