Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Dateless Donald

I have mentioned Donald before and since I don't talk much about work, I would leave it at that except for a conversation that I had with him the other day that I found fascinating. As I previously mentioned, he is a self-admitted 41 (soon to be 42) year old virgin. I wouldn't describe him as ugly but he is definitely geeky but I have seen many geeks that get married, perhaps arguably even myself. So I always assumed that either Donald just wasn't interested in girl relationships or gay.

Yesterday another co-worker and myself were doing some work down in the lab when Donald showed up and we got to talking. The other coworker brought up relationships and asked Donald if he had ever dated. Donald said he had never gone on a single date in his life. There was one of those pregnant pauses so I couldn't help but ask if Donald was interested in dating girls should the opportunity arise. He said he most definitely was but that the opportunity had never come to him.

Donald doesn't drink and won't even go into a bar. Although he is most definitely a social butterfly, I still would have thought that by random chance, someone in his life would have hinted at a date sometime. Donald is obtuse at times so I'm guessing he missed all the signs. Now that he is 41 and spends all his waking hours either at work or at home putting together model cars except for the occasional trip to the grocery store TV dinner aisle or to church, I'm guessing even random chance is going to be hard to put a willing dater in front of him giving off signs that even Donald can read.

So we probed him a bit more. He would date a previously married woman and would also date one with children. These are good signs since a woman in her forties that hasn't been married or have kids is probably hard to find. He was also willing to date outside of his race too so the playing field was opening up. The chances of getting Donald to open up and ask someone on a date around here were slim and none so I hit upon the solution. Internet dating where the odds are good but the goods are odd.

We kicked that about for a while but Donald wasn't really receptive to the idea. I asked him what he has to lose by it. I said that the worst case is that he has to spend $10 in gas (drive a really really small car), $30 to $40 for a nice dinner and then go back home to the same empty house that he comes home to everyday. Best case, he meets someone that he falls in love with. I said if I were his age and had his money, (he is a single engineer, lives in a house he bought for $35,000, drives a $10,000 car and splurges on buying a model car once a month HAS to be loaded), $50 in peanuts for a chance at love.

Despite our repeated efforts to get him interested in Internet dating, I'm guessing the women of the Internet are still safe from actually meeting Donald. I just don't think that man has a dating bone in his body. His idea of a good time is spending a week with his single sister visiting Civil War battle sites and splurging on boiled chicken once a week instead of the normal TV dinner. I have known a lot of guys that will probably never marry but I've never known one that hasn't even been on a single date in four decades and probably will never will. I guess I do now.

P.S. If you are single and looking to marry an uber geek with no social instincts but probably loaded with money, love TV dinners and spending Saturday nights sniffing rubber cement and applying decals and paint to plastic vehicles, send me an email and I'll set you up.

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