Nothing raises my blood pressure more than having to shop for toilet paper. I am not affected in the slightest by having to carry a package of paper rolls, whose only roll in this world will be to clean my ass, across the parking lot. I am not affected by the price or the claims of leaving behind the cleanest results. No what bothers me more than anything is that I can't buy just a plain roll of toilet paper anymore.
I must choose between double rolls, mega rolls, triple mega rolls and dozens of others promising bigger rolls with more paper upon them. I don't even mind having more for the sake of having to replace the roll less often but what gets me is that the rolls no longer fit the standard toilet paper holder in any of the bathrooms I have ever had the privilege of owning or renting. They were sized for the plain old single roll and these larger rolls have to be crammed into the opening. It's like trying to park a Humvee into a space meant for a compact car. It just doesn't work. So I am left with two options, I either have to remove the roll from the holder every time I want to use it until it has reduced to a size that will now fit and spin freely or I have to just sit it on the floor underneath a vacant holder until the same thing happens.
I would express my displeasure by not buying those over sized behemoths because I think they merely contain fluffier sheets and not more linear feet, a significant difference, but alas I have no choice. It is like giving a diner at a restaurant three choices for an entrée, fish, fish or fish. If all you have is fish, or in this case oversize rolls of toilet paper, of course that is what I will be buying. Some of you are probably saying that of course I can buy single rolls but they are what I call institutional or John Wayne toilet paper. It is so thin that it takes miles of the stuff just to cover your hand with a protective barrier.
You don't know what John Wayne toilet paper is?
Why it is toilet paper that is rough and tough and doesn't take shit from anyone!